Steak N' Shake

So, since we established a system to grading ham/cheeseburgers, the next test was really to go in the field and apply our skills in the real world! To be sure, we have spent most of the week anticipating this first taste of burger! Thus, while the undulating crowds in Egypt were cheering after 30 years of military dictatorship, we were flipping a shit that it was finally Friday.

Pissed because Hardee's has shitty burgers.

We had initially wanted to go to Five Guys (Who doesn't?) but...this being our first review, we thought it'd make more sense to temper our enthusiasm. We ultimately decided on Steak N' Shake, a hybrid between a sit in restaurant and a fast food joint. Interestingly, this burger joint has a distinct theme as...a burger joint.

Herro! Dis is my first time coming to da great country of America!!!
I am honored to eat your capitalist pig food!

If you've never been there, it's really American, but not in the creepy Bob Evans way. There's also a toy machine just next to the entrance, a tricky little bastard that has probably siphoned off a total of $10.00 from ill-thought attempts to get a stuffed dog.


Of course, we're not here to talk about the decor. But enticing your diners with the knowledge of being in the Greatest Nation on earth, where an ounce of piss offers greater freedom than the entire press of perfidious dictatorships (I'll let you interpret that as you will) is a pretty damn good tactic. Hell, it worked on the pilgrims!

The Burger

The purported burger.

So, there being three of us at the time, we all ordered three different steak burgers: The Double n' Cheese, the Chipotle burger and the hefty Triple Steak Burger.

There is an uncanny resemblance here. 

 We also ordered some milkshakes for half off (If you go between 2-4, AM or PM, they have Happy Hour for milkshakes.) and all the burgers came with fries. At around $5.00 USD, the price isn't too bad, given that the "Double N' Cheese" is comparable to a Wendy's Quarter pounder. The service was good and friendly and the hamburger came out fairly promptly. Below pictured: the "Double n' Cheese."

Shit just got real!

The Bun

Now came the consumption and analysis of the burger. The bun, as pictured above was slightly deflated. Nothing like the picture provided. A good bun should have the supine curves of a voluptuous, healthy woman. This was more like a sad beach ball. On the plus side, the edges are lightly toasted so that it has some firmness to it. Additionally, the bun retained structural integrity throughout and did not become soggy, so while aesthetically it wasn't anything great, it accomplished its job admirably enough! 

Score: 2.5/3

The Patty

This was the subject of some contention. To start, there was general agreement that the quality of the meat at Steak N' Shake was superior if not unique with regards to other burgers. To be sure, it is quite tender! The texture is where a Steak N' Shake burger scores points! It's soft without being mealy and the edges, like the bun, have a slight crispiness to them. 

On the down side, they taste like meat. That is to say, there isn't any discernible seasoning on them, so while the Steak N' Shake burger wins out on texture...that's about the only place where it distinguishes itself. Additionally, its portions aren't anything to write home about. My rough estimate is that a single patty from a place like Five Guys is equivalent to two from Steak N' shake. So a "regular" at Five Guys is still bigger than the Triple Steak Burger. Honestly, a pretty big disappointment, but not a burger killer, so to speak. It is a resounding 'average' to 'mediocre.'

Figure 1. Insufficient meat content

Score: 4/8


The Toppings
The toppings are shitty. This is where Steak N' Shake could really do better. On first glance, it looks pretty appealing! The lettuce looks perky, the onions crisp and fresh and the cheese...well, it's there. The main issue is that it in spite of its fragile patties, the toppings don't have the heft to match up with the rest of the Burger. As is seen in the below center picture, they do give you a hefty amount of ketchup and mustard. The problem is that it overwhelms the few toppings that were there. So when eating the toppings, think texture, not taste, because it's just not there. To be sure, the quality isn't bad, but in terms of quantity, they could perhaps think to reinforce this crucial complimentary feature of a good burger.

Moreover, the bacon (picture on the far right in the Chipotle Burger) sorta sucks. It's not really crisp and is sort of flimsy. but hell, it's bacon, so it's still pretty damn good. 

Score: 1.5/5

Thus the "Burger Score" is totaled below:

Bun         2.5

Meat       4

Toppings 1.5 +

------------------

8

Steak N' Shake receives a burger score of:

 8/16

Not great, but not bad either! To be sure, Steak N' Shake is a pretty fun place! The fact that it's sort of more a restaurant than a fast food place (in spite of the intrinsic argument that is provided by a drive-through window) it's still decent. The price alone should be some incentive (Again, a meal can be bought for around $5.00 with pricer stuff nearing $7-8.00.  All that and the milkshakes are AMAZING in terms of both price and taste during happy hour. That said:

Tilt Score: 1

Steak N' Shake proved itself in the field of Burger battle with an aggregate score of: 

9/16 (21 if including potential tilt points)

If you ever are in the Mill Run area and are looking for something to eat, give Steak N' Shake a try! And if you're tottering about at 3:30 in the morning after a long night of partying, take advantage of their awesome milkshakes and half price deal! Party on!

He knows how to party.